Humorous Quotes

Please feel free to share.

 

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

John Barrymore.

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.

Robert Hutchins. 

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.

Zsa Zsa Gabor.

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh.

Never in the history of fashion has so little material been raised so high to reveal so much that needs to be covered so badly.

Sir Cecil Beaton, on mini-skirts.

 

These are anonymous - prolly bumber stickers.....

 

 

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Save the Earth, it's the only planet with Chocolate

No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.

More of the same. Le sigh.

• He who laughs last thinks slowest.
• 
  All men are idiots, and I married their king.
• 
  Friends help you move; real friends help you move the body.
• 
  Very funny Scotty; now beam down my clothes
  

Those are all really funny!!

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.  ~Author Unknown

 

And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!"  ~Author Unknown

 

 

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realise how often they burst into flames. --  Harry Hill

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow. -- Billy Connolly

A man commented to his lunch companion: "My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire." "You're lucky," sighed the companion. "My wife dreams that in the daytime." -- Sam Ewing

i heard this from a teacher in jr. high mr. bubba

the fish would have never got cought if he would have kept his mouth shut.