At dawn the telephone rings, 'Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house.'
'Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?'
'Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead'
'My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?'
'Si, Senor, that's the one.'
'Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?'
'From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod.'
'Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?'
'Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.'
'Dead horse? What dead horse?'
'The thoroughbred, Senor Rod.'
'My prize thoroughbred is dead?'
'Yes Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.'
'Are you insane?? What water cart?'
'The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.'
'Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man??'
'The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.'
'What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?? !!'
'Yes, Senor Rod.'
'But there's electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?'
'For the funeral, Senor Rod.'
'WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!'
'Your wife's, Senor Rod', she showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new tailor made Super Quad 460 golf club.'
SILENCE . . . . . .. . . .. . . LONG SILENCE . . . . . . . . . .
'Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep $#%*!! ...!!'
Forum Home > Adult stuff > Jokes
| Author | Post | Action | ||
jennseaJoined: 9/17/07 Posts: 452 Mommytalking Guru! Rep points: 3488 Send PM | Title: Jokes Posted: 9 months ago
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but  | |||
Late4DinnerJoined: 8/22/06 Posts: 1146 Mommytalking Super Legend Rep points: 11463 Send PM | Title: Jokes Posted: 8 months ago
-------------------------------------------------
An Iowa senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of a Des Moines dealership.
Taking off down the road, he flooredit to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
he saw a State Patrol car behind him, blue and red lights flashing.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this,' and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'
The old gentleman paused. Then said, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a Iowa State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.'
'Have a good day, Sir,' replied the Trooper
The views prestented by this poster do not represent the views of this or any other organization. The information contained, along with $4.75 will purchase most drinks at Starbucks. | |||
keriazJoined: 9/02/06 Posts: 1719 Mommytalking Legend Rep points: 9147 Send PM | Title: Jokes Posted: 8 months ago LOL!!! Thats a good one! Solamente el fuertes sobreviven - Only the Strong Survive! | |||
mommyo2Joined: 12/02/07 Posts: 1995 Mommytalking Super Legend Rep points: 12944 Send PM | Title: Jokes Posted: 6 months ago The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, 'Hello ?' 'Is your daddy home?' he asked. 'Yes,' whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?' The child whispered, 'No.' Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mommy there?' 'Yes' 'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, 'No' Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?' 'Yes,' whispered the child, 'a policeman.' Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?' 'No, he's busy,' whispered the child. 'Busy doing what?' 'Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman and the priest,' came the whispered answer. Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?' 'A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice. 'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered, 'The search team just landed a helicopter.' Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?' Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... 'ME!' | |||
keriazJoined: 9/02/06 Posts: 1719 Mommytalking Legend Rep points: 9147 Send PM | Title: Jokes Posted: 6 months ago
I have heard this one many times but I still think its funny!! Thanks.
Solamente el fuertes sobreviven - Only the Strong Survive! | |||
RMOMROXJoined: 11/08/06 Posts: 1318 Mommytalking Super Legend Rep points: 14955 Send PM | Title: Jokes Posted: 6 months ago
It is funny! I'd read it before too, it's at the top of this page! LOL! Less is BEST! | |||
mommyo2Joined: 12/02/07 Posts: 1995 Mommytalking Super Legend Rep points: 12944 Send PM | Title: Jokes Posted: 6 months ago DUUHHH! SUSAN LOL | |||
Pinksno-photoJoined: 8/24/07 Posts: 54 Been There Done That Mommytalker Rep points: 292 Send PM | Title: Jokes Posted: 5 months ago
| |||
RachelJoined: 12/15/06 Posts: 2379 Mommytalking Oracle Rep points: 29923 Send PM | Title: Jokes Posted: 4 months ago
| |||
jenni182Joined: 11/23/07 Posts: 205 Seasoned Vet Rep points: 2326 Send PM | Title: Jokes Posted: 4 months ago
One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'My dear child, why are you crying?' The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.
The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires..
'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked .
The seamstress replied, 'No.'
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.
'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, 'No.'
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.
'Is this your thimble ?' the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, 'Yes.' The Lord was pleased w ith the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, 'Why are you crying?'
'Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!'
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.
'Is this your husband?' the Lord asked..
'Yes,' cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!'
The seamstress replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.
Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.
And so the Lord let her keep him.
The moral of this story is:
Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
Signed,
All Us Women
| |||
HappyMomno-photoJoined: 9/25/08 Posts: 39 In the Know MommyTalker Rep points: 176 Send PM | Title: Jokes Posted: 2 months ago
Since there hasnt been any funny ha ha posts lately I will give ya all two!!
Menopause Jewelry -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LOVE MY JOB!
| |||
