In Richardson, Texas State Trooper was running radar. He had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting any. Then he discovered the problem. A 12 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD!" The officer later found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading, "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)

 

BETTER A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Plano, Texas. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

 

BEST! A young woman was pulled over in Austin, Texas for speeding. As the TX State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police Ball." He replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.

My mom's favorite joke:

Two guys were out walking their dogs on a nice summer day.  On their way, the passed a small cafe and the first guy said to his friend, "Hey, let's stop and get a bite to eat."  His friend said, "There's a sign right there on the door that says NO PETS ALLOWED."  The first guy says, "Not to worry!  Just watch me and follow my lead."  So the first guy walks into the cafe with his German Shepherd.  The hostess stops him and says, "I'm sorry sir, but pets are not allowed."  He said, "I'm sorry miss, but this is my seeing-eye dog."  The hostess says, "I'm sorry sir.  Right this way."  The second guy watched all of this and thouht "Ok, I can do that."  So he walks into the cafe with his dog.  The hostess again stops him and reminds him of the no-pet policy.  And the man says. "No, this is my seeing-eye dog."  The hostess raises her eyebrows and says, "Really.  A chiuaua is your seeing-eye dog."  The man gives her a shocked look and says "They gave me a chiuaua????"

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

 

glitter-graphics.com ...

Another one that I like:

Two men were out hunting together.  Suddenly, one of the men starts twitching, his eyes roll back into his head, and he falls to the ground, not moving.  His friend, completely terrified, picks up his cell phone and calls 9-1-1.  The dispatcher asks the man what the problem is, and he replies "We need an ambulance right away!  I think my friend is dead!  He fell to the ground and he's not moving!  I think he's DEAD!!!!"  The dispatcher tells the man to calm down and says, "The first thing you need to do is make sure that your friend really is dead."  The guy says, "Ok, hang on a minute."  The dispatcher hears some rustling and then a gunshot.  The man comes back on the phone and says, "Ok, now what?"

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

 

glitter-graphics.com ...

A beautiful blonde is out on the lake, sunbathing in the boat she rented, when the game warden pulls up next to her.  "Can I see your fishing license ma'am?" he asks her. 

"I don't have one," she responds. 

"Well, ma'am, I'm afraid I'll have to write you up."

"Why? I'm not fishing, I'm just lying here."

"I see that, ma'am, but you have the necessary equipment, so therefore I have to write you up."

"Fine," says the woman.  "But if you write me up, I'll just have to turn you in for sexual molestation."

"What?!" replies the warden. "I didn't sexually molest anyone!"

"I know," says the woman. "But you have the necessary equipment."

In 1986, Mikele Mebembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mikele approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mikele worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mikele stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mikele never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mikele was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mikele and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mikele, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.


Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mikele couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mikele summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mikele's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his
 grandson to his bed.
 
  Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome-plated
  38 revolver so you will always remember me."
  
  But Grandpa, I really doan-a lika guns. Howz about you
 leava me your Rolex watch instead?"



 "Shuddup ana lissin. Somma day you gonna runnada business.
 You gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home
 and maybe a couple a bambinos."

 "Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife
 inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then . . . ?
 pointa to you a watch and say, "Times up"?"

Another Toy recall from China. 

That picture gives me chills every time I see it! Yikes! lol

Registering MY hubby for ALL of these lol.........

Classes for Men at The Adult Learning Center
Registration Must Be Completed by oct. 21, 2007


NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 AM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures
and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM


Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM


Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And
Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.


Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined



Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.


Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM , location to be determined



Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.



Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and
Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration..
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.


Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the
survivors

My husband and I got a real kick out of the adult classes

Just for laughs

Click  on the link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umeD6iFjYNA ...

 

 

Her link worked for me in her post, but it did not in your quote of it....

Children and Monsters is what I saw.   

Darn it! Figures...it worked this time. That video was cute!

Interesting choice of etrance point for a kiddie jumper....