Have a good one?  Share it here.  Try to maintain some form and taste.



 

Once upon a time there lived a king.  The king had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS.

But there was a problem.  Everything the princess touched would melt.
No  matter what; Metal, Wood, Stone,

Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her.  Nobody would dare marry her.  The king despaired.  What could he do to help his daughter?  He consulted his wizards and magicians.  One wizard told the  king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her  hands, she  will be cured."

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition.  Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the  king's wealth.  THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.   

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.   But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.            

The prince went away sadly.           

The second prince brought diamonds.  He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.  But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached.   He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red.  She felt something hard.  She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!   The king was overjoyed.  Everybody in the kingdom was  overjoyed.    And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.           

Question:   What was in the prince's pants?    

        

M&M's  of course.            

They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. 
 

 

why was six affraid of seven.....because seven eight nine....

why did the cookie go to the doctor.....because he felt crumby......

why didn't the broom got to work......because he over swept.......

(these are coming from my 10 year old as I type)

Enjoy!!!

A man takes his wife hunting.

He points out her tree stand and tells her to be very quiet. If you need me I'll be right over there in my stand.

After a few minutes the husband hears a loud BANG!!! and rushes to his wife.

When he gets there his wife is screaming with joy....I GOT HIM!!! IGOT HIM!!!

Immediately a strange man runs up and says..... Excuse me lady do you think I could go get the saddle off my horse now. 

LOL LOL LOL LOL Of course my husband gave me this joke.

 

Saint Peter was checking in all the men into Heaven, so he decided to put up a sign:  Men controlled by Women here, and on the other side  Men not controlled by Women here,  Upon showing up the next morning under the Sign Men controlled by Women the line was up and over the mountain while the sign Men not controlled by Woment had only two men in it.  Saint Peter thought he would check on the two men when he saw one of the men leave the area of men controlled by women.  Saint Peter aproached the man and asked what he was doing in  the line men not controlled by women, to which the man replied, I don't know my wife told me to stand here.

A guy is driving around Dublin when he sees a sign in front of a
house:"

“Talking Dog For Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the
backyard.  The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yes," the Lab replies.
"So, what's the story?"

The Lab looks up and says: "Well, I discovered that I could talk
when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the
Garda about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from
country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because
no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most
valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided
to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some
undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of
medals. I got married, had a load of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants
for the dog.

"Ten euros," the man says.

"Ten euros? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him
so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that $#%*!! ....”         

"Old" is when...

...your sweetie says, "Lets go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

...your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

...you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

...you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

...when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

..."getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

... an "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

 These two older folks are driving down Broadway on their way to bingo.

They're very excited, so when the driver blows through the first red light, the passenger figures it's just the excitment and anyway, they'll get to bingo sooner.

When the next light gets violated like a ripe avocado, the passenger says

"hey, when you're driving, you're supposed to STOP for the red lights"

to which the driver answers

"oh, am I driving?" 

I don't remember jokes, but this is the only joke I currently remember:

LOL Thats a good one.

 Heres mine!

 A blond woke up to find her house on fire. She quickly calls the fire department. She explains the situation and where her house was located. So the fire department told her to calm down and theyd be there soon. The fire man asked her how to get to her house. The blond replied.... " Duh! Big red truck!"

 

 

Why was the baby ant confused?

Because all of her uncles were ants!

OK, that was kinda corny but you can share that one with your kids!

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word  on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after  all those conflicting medical studies.
 
 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart  attacks than the British, Canadian, Americans, Australians.
or South Africans
 
 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks  than the British, Canadian, Americans, Australians or South Africans.
 
 3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer  heart attacks than the British, Canadian, Americans,  Australians or South Africans.
 
 4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer  fewer heart attacks than the British, AmericansCanadians, Australians or South Africans.
 
 5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and  fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British, Canadian,  Americans, Australians or South Africans.
 
 CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like.
 Speaking English, apparently, is what kills you.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.

The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit miffed, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says,

'Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question.'

these are a few for the kids... my son tells them to everyone we meet...

what did the ocean say to the sand? nothing he just waved!

why was the stawberry crying? his friend was in a jam!

why did the elephant wear a diaper to the party? he didn't want to be a party pooper.

what did the bee say to the flower? Hello honey!

 

Oh my gosh. This is a little old, but a friend sent me to it. It's really funny! It might be a little over the top, but just enjoy it. I love the part with Arnold, our fearless Caalliffornia leader. LOL!

Watch it and let me know if you think it's funny!

This is our land! ...



 

Just a few for laughs.........................

A women rushes home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!" The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?" She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "Ok, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.