I just had a conversation with my daughter's firend's dad that through me for a loop.  He wanted to know why his daughter was not invited to my daughter's birthday party that was in July!  First of all it was mostly just a family thing but then she wanted to invite a couple of girls from camp, so I said sure.  He went on to argue that he thought it was very strange that since they were always so close that she wasn't invited.  Now, for some back up information, we don't let our daughter go over to this girls house anymore because we feel that this girls dad is way to lenient with what he lets his daughter do.  We are strict parents and do not let our 13 year old hang out with boys and ride her bike all over town, which is what he allows her to do.  We would prefer if she brought her friends over to our house to hang out so that I know they are supervised.  We don't let our daughter have a myspace page either and he never understood our stance on that either and even went as far as debating me on it at one point.  He has always questioned my parenting which I never really gave much thought to because frankly I don't care what he thinks or how he raises his daughter.  He is very liberal and totally trusts his 13 year old daughter.  Not that I do not trust my daughter but I am not naive- at 13 hormones sometimes make your decisions for you, that's just the way it is.

So anyway, he went on and on about me being too strict and letting me know that girls will like boys whether i want them to or not.  I thanked him for that information and told him that we raise our children differently and that's just the way it is.  After that he told me that he suspected that we are racist and that is why they do not hang out together anymore. ???!!!  This was a shocker.  I don't know where this came from but it was completely uncalled for.  I told him directly at that point that he is too liberal with the way that he raises his daughter for my taste and that is exactly why my daughter does not come over your house anymore.  Nothing to do with the color of her skin just the amount of freedom you allow your 13 year old daughter to have.  He knows that we are more strict than he is but I have not ever directly came out and told him that i do not agree with the way he parents.  I don't beleive it is my place to do that but he pushed me to it with his accusation of being racist.  I am just shocked by this conversation and am wondering"What is going on in this world?"

Here is my question, if he is to liberal and you don't like your daughter to hang out with his daughter, then why have they? He said that they hang out and that he is wondering why she was not envited.  Maybe he felt that they were good friends or he just felt bad that his daughter might have felt sad knowing that she was not envited. Im not saying anything bad all Im saying is that maybe there is a misunderstanding. I do understand what you are trying to do by protecting your daughter from the world but this little girl probably felt sad that she was not envited. I understand that it was more of a family thing. By him saying those things was maybe because he felt anger that his daughter was not envited. Well I hope things workout for you and your daugter.

WTG !!! You Finally shared truth about your feelings about him and his interferance   as your issues ... Sadly I know Ana hit nail on head about how young friend had to have been carrying hurt especially with dad bringing up in her face more n likely sigh ... Its always best to be up front   You say your kids still friends   tho you dont want your child at others home or running ... Have you allowed other child to continue to play at your home , with you  setting standards?? There are solutions ... and polite ways to allow girls to carry on friendship  and you are not wrong to set standards rules high for your family  .

I don't allow my daughter to go over her house anymore.  They do still talk in school.  I talked to my daughter when she got home from school and she said that her and her friend had already talked about not being invited to her party and she is over it.  She has no idea why her father made that phone call.  I have always told my daughter that her friends are welcome over our house whenever they want.  Of course I guess it's not that appealing because I don't let them surf the internet or ride there bikes around town to hang out with boys.  When I was a teenager I wasn't allowed to do those things either and we always found things to do. 

This girls father has actually brought two of her friends families to court because of disputes with his daughter.  I told my daughter that we are just going to keep our distance from her and her father.  I really don't need anymore drama in my life right now.

Wow!  What?  Tell him to pull his head out...

It seems like the dad is more hurt than the daughter is.  Besides, it really is none of his business why you made the decision not to invite her to the party.  You did not have to explain yourself to him, but maybe it was good that you did.

Do not feel bad for your decision.  If he has a problem with it, then that is his issue.  You do need to inform your daughter about the legal garbage that he has put others through, just in case.  You don't need your daughter brought into a court room because a friend's dad is a little bit on the loony side of life.   

wow!

stay away from that man, i mean i feel bad for your daugther, but to me it seems like she's not "BFF'S" with her so it wont be that big of a loss. Hope everything works out and nothing bad happens

Well, since I was called a racist by this girls father, the girl has been calling everyone in school a racist also, so it's not just me.  I think they are having some issues right now.  My daughter has been taking the higher road which I am very proud of her for.  She has not been participating in any of the conversations regarding what is going on with this girl.  I talked to one of her teachers about it all just so that she can keep her eye out on the situation and she has backed me up.  She has seen a lot of issues brewing with this particular girl and has taken the time to talk to my daughter and let her know that she is watching out for her.   I was told yesterday by my daughter that next Thursady something is supposed to happen- the girl said it's going to be the best day of her life and she will finally let everyone know what she thinks of them all.  Not sure what this could be but I am going to call the school and let them know, shouldn't take any chances in this day and age.  You know that the world has gone wrong when I hear something like that and I don't immediately think that the girl is just going to tell some people off but maybe she is going to blow up the school.

Absolutely tell the school!  Wow!  What a situation this has turned into.  Seems like the dad might have something to do with the child's perception of what is going on at school and with the other kids. 

 At any rate, I would call the school too.  We had a situation a few years back with a child in my daughter's school saying he was going to bring a gun to school.  I tried calling the school before school started, but the school's phone system was not working, and I didn't hesitate to call the police.  The police were at school before school started and got everything taken care.  Nothing happened and the boy was just threatening some of the other kids, but it was scary all the same.

Best of luck and I hope eveything turns out okay.

I called the school already and as I called they were on the other line with the father.  I didn't want to blow things out of proportion but at the same time you can never be too careful these days.  They thanked me and said they would be talking to the father about this too and totally understood my concern.  They would really like to see this girl out of the school.  Unfortunately this girl is very influenced by her father's thinking.  This all started when the dad called me and brought up an old issue and created other issues.  The father is turning this girl into a crazy paranoid person.  He even has her bringing a tape recorder to school to tape conversations other people are having.  This has gotten so out of hand.

Wow - incredible - jaw-dropping. 

I've had some amazing comments from other parents - but this takes the cake.  Stay away from that dad - you owe him no explanation - and unfortunately his daughter is the collateral damage.  There have been two times in my daughters life I have singled out two friends that she is not to go to their house and vice versa.  Both involved moms who were, well, not in control of their kids or lives.  If the girls see each other at school there's nothing you can do - but you can control who comes to your house, and whose house your children visit.

Two years ago we forbid a friend of my son's from ever coming to our house - we were royally TP'd - but this instance went too far.  They went into the backyard and used shaving cream and lipstick on our car with phrases like "XXX sucks" and others.  Sorry - if the girl has no judgement, then the parents probabl yhave no judgement.  You don't have to explain why - it just is. 

One other time I had a bad parent experience. I've always had the attitude that if parents are in sync and talking, then things work.  I didn't know this mom, but her son had spit at mine on the bus, so i called her.  I didn't know she put me on the speaker phone for her kids to listen to me, and then blamed me!  That was the last time I ever called another parent, or assumed all parents are reasonable.  There are simply all kinds out there.  Truly. 

Good luck.  You owe this dad no explanation, and he definitely overstepped.  He probably is low on social skills as well if he couldn't read between the lines anyway.  Draw the line for your daughter.

 

Well seems like situation is definately  much differant than first stated w girl herself .. Id hope school would intervene in this case w councle and  , and investigating home situation w proper agency..  Indeed its now past time to tell your dd to simply stay away  from her , and after  the conversatin you had w dad, since no more real relationship w girls   not necessary for any more talking to him . Its soooo sad   but seems this dad is on verge of breakdown and both he and his daughter at risk, and w sick minds   never safe for others ..  I WOULD continue to pray for them , but wipe my familys feet from further  contact.. No classes together even if possable at this point .

One more thought - I hope you've been able to draw the line with this dad - I just reread the other comments - this is one unstable dude so you don't know what else will set him off  - keep your distance - and the less you say to him the better - otherwise he will just twist your words against you. 

And . . . it can be a learning experience for your daughter - regarding acceptable social behavior - and not.  And. on how not to dwell on the issue and move on . . . .

 

Exactly, she has been doing very well with this, keeping her distance and not getting involved or adding fuel to the fire. 

She came home yesterday and told me that some boys were making fun of this girl on the bus on Friday and she went home and told her dad that they hit her.  My daughter said they did not hit her but she said everyone involved got suspended.  I told her "see, keep your distance"  She said "but the boys did not hit her, why are they in trouble?"  Obviously this girl knows the power of words and you can basically say anything you want and get someone else in trouble. unfortunately, this is happening way too much lately.  I think that there needs to be some strong consequences to false accusations for this to stop.  Who knows what they can turn this into! 

 I myself have not spoken to the father since our first conversation and i do not plan too.  I think the best idea for us in this situation is just to stay clear of it.