okay my wife gets on here. today after talking to my wife and her grandma i have found out alot of things that have gone on in here life that were beyond bad. she was abused in every way you can think of. her mom and dad used to make her work for sex at the age 12 and if she did not she would get the crap bet out of her. she use to run away all the time growing up and was put into dhs 3 or 4 times. i have been trying to get her to talk to me about it but she would always change what we were talking about. how do i get her to understand that sometimes there is no reason for the things that went on in life and to move on. and to stop feeling like she owes her dad the world for adopting her. she has no we have 5 kids and she is a great mom to them. she is just so sad all the time. and i wont to help make her happy. but i am not sure how to help her move past all that hapend to her in her lfe. she has tried conseling but it did not help. all she says is that she wonts to here sorry form her dad (her mom has died) and wonts him to tell her why he let the things happen to her. like she tells me.   i was a kid and parents are not ment to hurt there kids they are ment to love them and keep them safe at all cost. so she wont answeres i am not sure she will ever get. so how do i help her get over her past. because is a wonderfull person and a loving mom.

my heart goes out to you and your wife! i cant imagine having to deal w/ all that you have stated. i know you said she has already tried counseling and it hasnt worked, most likely it was not a good match. counselors are like doctors, you have to find one that will work for you (or your wife in this case). hey, there's a thought. what if you tried counseling. maybe it would help you to understand what you can do for your wife and what only she can do for herself. in so doing, maybe the right counselor will be found. i dont know but thought i would throw it up for thought.

another thought, since you said she adores her adopted father, could he help? maybe suggest a new counselor or even a support group?

i have put your family in my prayers. i will pray for the strength you 2 need to get thru all thats necessary.

so sorry for the pain you are all going through. You can do many things.

You can all go to group counseling and see how that works.

Talk too her when you guys are ready for bed so like that she has nowhere to go and its nice and quite.

Maybe go to a church or somewhere you too attend too and talk with someone.

Maybe she ca volunteer at an abused shelter for children and women. I know that might brink back memories but when she sees that she is helping it might also ease the pain.

I know that her forgeting about everything will never happen but it will ease if you guys take the right steps. Good Luck!

First of all, I am soooo soooo sorry she had to go throught the things she did. As for getting past it, that may never happen. She may eventually learn to deal with what happened and go forward. Not an easy thing to forget.. First, she really should find someone she can talk to. It may take a few different councilors, but there is one out there just for her. Maybe a pastor at church. She needs to be able to vent and let it out and she has to be able to trust. I sure hope you find the help she needs to go forward. God Bless.