Why is it no one wants to help a kid until its too late?  My son is 16. He has ADHD and is not quite as mature as most 16 year olds. He has gotten kicked out of school for three years in a row. The last two years have been for having sex in school.  He sneaks out of the house and has been known to smoke, though he says he is not now. I have done everything from positive reinforcement to taking priveleges away.  He does not want to do homework, and I cannot get the school to help me.  The as much as told me when he got kicked out this year that they did not want him there. But no one seems interested in helping him. What can I do?

Check into Charter or alternative schools. Alot of school districts have them. Also check into Job Corp- Sometimes kids who get in alot of trouble need real world experience. Best Wishes

If he has ADHD he shiuld have an IEP in place.  The school BY LAW has to help him with things.  I would check with the special ed person in your district and work from there.

As ADD First thing is get him to a nutritionist Fast  its amazing how much proper diet can help , no red dyes , ...  my dd did caffein in ams and twicw at school but she was younger and helped

I totally agree with Antygamma.  We have just started taking the red dyes away from Daniel, and I am starting to see a big improvement.(expect for tonight).  We started him out without any sugar, then we noticed that his behaviors were still not going well.(especially in school), then we took him off the red dyes.  It has only been about four days.  Keeping our fingers crossed that this will improve dramactially for him.

We meet with his IEP team in April to discuss next year.

My son is 14 and has ADHD. He has had problems the past few years not doing his school work or homework for that matter. He has been in Charter schools since he started school. That didnt help. But this year he has been put into public school cause I didnt like what was happening in charter. So about a month ago they decided that he needs to be tested for IEP and special ed. Yes by law they have to help the student. Its the disability act. I wasnt happy about it only cause I had a bad experience with public school but its the best thing that can be done. I would look up IEP and disability laws for schoolaged children in your state and print it out and take it to his school and say LOOK! you were suppose to help him. You failed him.

AND not always is it a food allergy or a dietary problem. Its a chemical imbalence within the brain. My husband suffers from ADHD. Its a genetic disorder. I know cause I have tried the food route long before in the process of having my son diagnosed as ADHD!

Have you had your son tested for ADHD? Is he on any sort of medication? My husband just got put on medication for his ADHD and also sees a shrink. DONT let this go much longer. As they say nip it in the bud Now or he will have a lifetime of problems. My husband started drinking when he was 16 and he just quit last year at the age of 36. He wasted his life on alcohol because nobody did anything about his ADHD.

 

Everyone has some great advice...you gals rock!

What I would personally do is have husband take off work, and either me or hubby spend every moment of the day...every moment! I would eat breakfast with only him go to school with him, sit next to him whille he is doing homework, and pitch a sleeping bag in his room.  I would take the door off of his room and make sure that he knows We or I will lay my life down to make sure he does the right thing.  Let him really know I will stop everything in my life to make sure he makes the right choice.  If this took days then so be it...there is nothing more important then our children and the examples he has for him.  I would set the alarm to the house to make sure he doesn't even try to sneak out.  I have said this before a while ago in forum it's something we learned and discussed in parenting class. If you were at a park and someone kidnapped your child...what would you do?  Would you fight to the death lose sleep not stop till you find them?  Well if your son is this lost and someone kidnapped his thoughts and actions.....lay your life down and fight for your child.  To be a mom on purpose...with a purpose and take that God given name with authority and set the standards in your home.

Thats just my 2 cents

Well, I know about the red dye and caffeine thing. I have had him off that stuff for years, the only problem is that he sneeks Mountain Dew at school and when he goes to his dads. His dad lets him have it. And that is one of the worst things for him. He did the medication and therapist thing for years with no help. Then they put him on rispridol, and straterra and that made things much worse. He was angry all the time and was getting into fights. When we took him off those he mellowed out some. I know that some (a small some) of this is teenage stuff but not most of it.  As far as taking off work, I understand what you are saying, We have gone to school with him.  It didn't phase him. And yes, I agree that there is almost nothing more important than my kids, however, there are a few things that take precedence, such as a roof over their head and heat. Without that, I wouldnt have my kids.  Alot of the problem is with the school. They just do not want to take the time to help him. His special Ed guy told me that. He said the school just doenst care anymore. I would like to see about getting him into a different school. There are several public high schools in town. I just don't know how to go about it.  The alternative school he is in now will only take him while he is kicked out. So the start of next year, they wont take him. I am going to go talk to the alternative school and explain the problems at the high school, and see if they can keep him or tell me how to get him into a different high school. He has great plans for the future and I encourage him constantly. He wants to go into the navy and eventually become a navy seal. I think military would do him a world of good, but in another way it scares me too.

I really appreciate everyone's response.  It at least makes me feel like there is someone out there who cares. I will keep you posted on what is going on if you all like, meanwhile, keep the suggestions comming.

OK - I have a slightly different take.  Nutrition helps - somewhat.  But who can make a 16-year0-old each what he's supposed to - I can't.  You can make a toddler eat - you have to CONVINCE at teenager to eat right. 

ADD alone would not be the source of his issues.  and to clarify - since Ive been through these issues -

ADD is not a disability - it qualifies for a 504 accommodation plan - IF you can get a school to agree - and that's only if you can clarify what accommodations he needs (extra test time, extra reminders for homework, etc.)  504 plans can be hard to get from a school. 

 Special Ed, e.g. vision, hearing, physical or Developmentally Delayed, e.g. a diagnosis qualifies for an IEP - Individual Education Plan - and is protected by law.  Also - the IEP will follow him to college after age 18 - the 504 plan does not. 

 If he's been kicked out of schools, YOU have to help him.  YOU have to do the research - harsh but true - schools can only do so much and are not trained in these issues - YOU have to find a school that will take him - if you can't contact the State Education Department - they have to find someplace. 

My advice - get him into counseling soon before he has issues with the law - he has to know boundaries exist - adn the harsh love is you have to set them - e.g. behavior stops or he WILL go elsewhere - sorry - usually I don't load more on moms - but really, really, I've been there -

And - you have to set boundaries - ground the hell out of him and stick to it - don't let him go to other houses unless you've met the parents and have been there - network with other parents -

I am keeping my 16-year-old son on such a short leash you wouldn't believe it - but I have his attention - can I trust him - sadly no - because he's the one that pushes the boundaries and doesn't have judgement -

Good luck - but don't wait for the schools - if you have to find an alternative school that will help him get the GED and give up on school and get him into a community college.  You may have to seek alternative routes you haven't thought of - again talk to the Department of Education - anyone you can find for ideas, and don't stop looking.  And - if he isn't enrolled in a school, then the school doesn't have to help you. 

 E-mail me separately at katrina51763@yahoo.com ... if you like. 

Actually your wrong. ADHD and ADD is a disability protected under the disability act! My son is being tested for IEP at this moment. I went the diet route many times over the years since he was diagnosed at the age of 8. Its not his diet. This is a genetic problem and runs deep in the family. Goes all the way back to Daniel Boone who was a great great grandfather on my husband's side of the family. And with him being on IEP he will be concidered a minor until he is 23. Shudder the thought.

 

I dont disagree its genetic    I do also note  that there are only few true tests on ADD and ADHD  available .  Many kids misdiagnosed   but whatever  the label  I also can honestly say Diet is Key in treatment ...... at least to very high percentages....... For some  its chemical altering needed also  ie meds  ..... Not  easy for any involved   especially the kids themselves  . but if there are food and dye allergies, too much sugars,  etc...not enough vitamins minerals   it affects every fiber of our beings  babies thru old age....

Thats why parents need to locate the right shrink. I didnt want to believe my son was ADHD and I tried everything. Even diet. Nothing changed. The right medication helped.

A couple more thoughts.  I agree with Keri on the genetics thing - kids sometimes are just wired differently - thus some kids do well on medication - or not.  However, sometimes I think kids that get into drugs/alcohol are actually self-medicating anyway - or self-numbing to escape, or whatever. 

On the whole 504 plan - I tried for two years to get a 504 accommodation plan for my 19 year old  - who at the time was 16 - the school kept telling me it was my problem he was disorganized - HELLO - the disorganization is part of the problem of ADD - so I gave up relying on the schools for help - Our School district refused to acknowledge ADD for more than a 504 plan - after a while it's just easier to stop blaming schools, or expecting their help - and just deal with things directly as a parent. A mom only has so much energy -

My son finally developed a serious vision issue his senior year of high school - he qualified for an IEP for vision assistance, and then we worked in a couple of ADD accommodations to the IEP - guess what - he is still unusually stubborn and still barely graduated - every teacher was ready to bend over backwards - but you can't wave a wand and MAKE a teenager organized.  Finally as he nears 20 he's beginning to realize the real impairment his inability to focus has on his life - now that he understands, he's doing better.  But - he's been through hell in the last 2 years - not because of school - but because he started losing his eyesight for no reason - talk about other priorities usurping his school performance - we really didn't care about grades - health issues trump GPA any day.  School has an end; poor health doesn't always. But that's another story. 

But I do support this website, and any other avenue that connects moms - for so long I was embarrassed about my son's performance when all my friends would brag about their students' academic awards, etc.  Then I realized - once I started talking - there's just so many more kids that struggle - and so many more frustrated parents that just don't know what to do  - and even excelling students have their own issues - Sometimes life is just plain hard. All I tell him is welcome to the adult world sweetie.  Now I brag on other issues - his integrity, his keen insight into people, his compassion, and now his resilience.  And I think I've met better friends (usually other moms) as they relax into sharing more honest and frank evaulations of their kids as well. 

I've also decided that ALL teen boys push the limits - it's their job - mine have done it exceptionally well.