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MelissaAnn Joined: 8/22/06 Posts: 150 *Expert Mommytalker* Rep points: 1183 Send PM	Title: The Working Mom Advice Column -- By Diane Lang Posted: 1 years ago Hi Mommytalkers! Diane Lang, author, therapist and life coach is MommyTalk.com's newest contributor. Her biweekly column, The Working Mom, will appear on Fridays where she will answer questions about working and being a full-time mom. Mommytalk.com members can submit questions to Lang here in the MommyTalk.com forum, which Lang will answer in her column every other Friday.The question of this week: What are your biggest concerns/dilemnas about telling your children that you might be going back to work. If you have already told your children, how did you do it? How did they react? Watch for her first feature this Friday, Nov. 30! http://www.blog.zooloo.com http://www.zooloo.com
Rachel Joined: 12/15/06 Posts: 2295 *Mommytalking Oracle* Rep points: 29603 Send PM	Title: The Working Mom Advise Column -- By Diane Lang Posted: 1 years ago I'm working out of the house here on MT. Sometimes I can put my job on hold for sometime. Then others its crunch time. I have a hard time with the kids understanding that mommy has work to do and I can't be at there beckon call all the time. DH helps out a lot and I have worked out a pretty good schedule and have wonderful coworkers who completely understand, but there are always times that I feel like I am neglecting my kids. I know I'm not but it feels like it sometimes. How can I make them feel better about the situation? and how can I get comfortable with the situation.
SJ Joined: 8/09/06 Posts: 1837 *Mommytalking Super Legend* Rep points: 18727 Send PM	Title: The Working Mom Advise Column -- By Diane Lang Posted: 1 years ago WOW - this is an AWESOME add to MommyTalk! Thank you so much! I will totally have some questions and look forward to contributing my experiences in balancing working outside the home and being a full-time mom.
SJ Joined: 8/09/06 Posts: 1837 *Mommytalking Super Legend* Rep points: 18727 Send PM	Title: The Working Mom Advise Column -- By Diane Lang Posted: 1 years ago BTW - where do we post our questions?
SJ Joined: 8/09/06 Posts: 1837 *Mommytalking Super Legend* Rep points: 18727 Send PM	Title: Re: The Working Mom Advise Column -- By Diane Lang Posted: 1 years ago thsmomrocs said: I have a hard time with the kids understanding that mommy has work to do and I can't be at there beckon call all the time. That is a hard one. I rarely work at home when my little guy is there because this is a challenge. Many people I work with experience the same thing with their children. My son is too young (22 months) to really get it just yet. Best suggestion would be sit down and explain at the level that makes sense for now. If you can schedule time to spend with them them "breaks", so that they know they will have your time and when that will occur. When I do work from home, my DH is there with my son, so this trick also works well...I get my water & supplies needed for working time and shut the door to the room I am working in. This way, I am out of site and mostly out of mind. It helps him understand work time vs. play time. When I take a break for play time, I am visible and not shut off. This works well because my work set-up is in the master bedroom, so I also have access to a bathroom. I don't think that the feeling of "neglecting their needs" really ever goes away, especially when you hear them cry or express needs. For me, its not about the feeling going away, it is about managing priorities. When I am working, I am indirectly meeting a need for my son and during that time, his physical or immediate needs are being met by my husband or whomever the caretaker is. The indirect needs - income for food, shelter and fun stuff - is equally as important. Of course, there are times that you have take off from work to be there. That is when you weigh the situation and find the best "work" / "personal" life balance. It is an evolving process and each experience encountered makes the next decision easier.
antygamma Joined: 1/11/07 Posts: 3828 *Mommytalking Oracle* Rep points: 28030 Send PM antygamma is online!	Title: The Working Mom Advise Column -- By Diane Lang Posted: 1 years ago I think this an awfully important topic and good issues for discussions I welcome this new feature. Phil 4:8 think on those things that are true,honest,just,pure,lovely and of good report,if there be any virtue any praise, think on these things prov.22:7 for as we think in our hearts ,so are we.... Jesus loves the little children !!! HES GOT THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD IN HIS HANDS !!!
MelissaAnn Joined: 8/22/06 Posts: 150 *Expert Mommytalker* Rep points: 1183 Send PM	Title: The Working Mom Advise Column -- By Diane Lang Posted: 1 years ago You can post your questions right here! Diane will continually be checking this thread and will answer your questions in her biweekly articles. http://www.blog.zooloo.com http://www.zooloo.com
SJ Joined: 8/09/06 Posts: 1837 *Mommytalking Super Legend* Rep points: 18727 Send PM	Title: The Working Mom Advise Column -- By Diane Lang Posted: 1 years ago I have to travel for a few days about every 5 weeks, my son is getting to the age now where he understands I am away. What are some ways to make the experience make sense to him, especially with schedules I don't usually get the opportunity to talk with him on the phone?
SJ Joined: 8/09/06 Posts: 1837 *Mommytalking Super Legend* Rep points: 18727 Send PM	Title: The Working Mom Advise Column -- By Diane Lang Posted: 1 years ago When I take days off (extended weekends or vacation), I notice that my son tends to be very cranky or tests his boundaries a lot more the evening after my first day back to work. He is fine during the day, just the attitude with me. Any tips to make the process of getting back to the routine smoother?
SJ Joined: 8/09/06 Posts: 1837 *Mommytalking Super Legend* Rep points: 18727 Send PM	Title: The Working Mom Advise Column -- By Diane Lang Posted: 1 years ago I think I do a pretty good job at balancing both roles, but I do feel a struggle for evening energy a few days a week. Not physical energy as much as mental, tend to be mentally drained to really interact & have the quality time with my son the way I want to. Instead, I feel like I have to just go through the motions and when I only have a few hours each evening with him, I want to make the most of it. Any advice on how to get more mental energy after a 12+ hour long day full of meetings or not feel bad that a couple times a week, I'm not the supermom I want to be?
MelissaAnn Joined: 8/22/06 Posts: 150 *Expert Mommytalker* Rep points: 1183 Send PM	Title: The Working Mom Advise Column -- By Diane Lang Posted: 1 years ago Diane's first column will run this Friday, addressing many of the questions that were asked in this Forum. Any questions that were asked after she started writing the column will be answered in her next column Keep the questions coming! Feel free to ask on any topic related to being a working parent - whether it's talking to your kids, finding the perfect job, handling the hubby, etc. http://www.blog.zooloo.com http://www.zooloo.com
babysteps Joined: 11/14/07 Posts: 12 *Happening MommyTalker* Rep points: 70 Send PM	Title: Re: The Working Mom Advise Column -- By Diane Lang Posted: 1 years ago sj said: I think I do a pretty good job at balancing both roles, but I do feel a struggle for evening energy a few days a week. Not physical energy as much as mental, tend to be mentally drained to really interact & have the quality time with my son the way I want to. Instead, I feel like I have to just go through the motions and when I only have a few hours each evening with him, I want to make the most of it. Any advice on how to get more mental energy after a 12+ hour long day full of meetings or not feel bad that a couple times a week, I'm not the supermom I want to be? As moms we tend to be so hard on ourselves. We want to do it all. We want to be "Supermom". That is an Unrealistic expectation. Don't be so hard on yourself. During the week- take time to plan fun activities/events with your kids. You can pick out the events duing the week, It gives both you and your kids something to look forward to. My daughter and I will pick one night a week to research different events for the weekend whether it's storytime at the local book store or library, a holiday fair or a movie we both want to see. We have fun searching out the events, choosing them together and using our imaginations to think about the event and what it will be like. Have fun picking out events and planning the day. Diane
babysteps Joined: 11/14/07 Posts: 12 *Happening MommyTalker* Rep points: 70 Send PM	Title: Re: The Working Mom Advise Column -- By Diane Lang Posted: 1 years ago sj said: thsmomrocs said: I have a hard time with the kids understanding that mommy has work to do and I can't be at there beckon call all the time. That is a hard one. I rarely work at home when my little guy is there because this is a challenge. Many people I work with experience the same thing with their children. My son is too young (22 months) to really get it just yet. Best suggestion would be sit down and explain at the level that makes sense for now. If you can schedule time to spend with them them "breaks", so that they know they will have your time and when that will occur. When I do work from home, my DH is there with my son, so this trick also works well...I get my water & supplies needed for working time and shut the door to the room I am working in. This way, I am out of site and mostly out of mind. It helps him understand work time vs. play time. When I take a break for play time, I am visible and not shut off. This works well because my work set-up is in the master bedroom, so I also have access to a bathroom. I don't think that the feeling of "neglecting their needs" really ever goes away, especially when you hear them cry or express needs. For me, its not about the feeling going away, it is about managing priorities. When I am working, I am indirectly meeting a need for my son and during that time, his physical or immediate needs are being met by my husband or whomever the caretaker is. The indirect needs - income for food, shelter and fun stuff - is equally as important. Of course, there are times that you have take off from work to be there. That is when you weigh the situation and find the best "work" / "personal" life balance. It is an evolving process and each experience encountered makes the next decision easier. Working from home still means you are working. So, it needs to be time that you set aside and have a 100% focus and concentration towards your job. A lot of moms realize that the best way to do this is to drop off your child for a few hours a day at a nursery school setting. When you drop your child off they are at a place where your child learns independence by eating her own snacks, thhrowing away her garbage, using the potty, picking her toys, etc. This setting also enables the child to develop great social skills by making new friends, learning to be part of a group, following directions, learning a routine and so on plus your child will have plenty of fun! Nursery school has such flexible day/hours schedule that you can pick and choose the times you will need. It's a win-win for both you and your child. You get to work and focus on your job while your child gets to learn, grow and have fun! Remember, working from home is still a job but it allows you the flexibility of picking your hours/days, having no commute and flexibility.
MelissaAnn Joined: 8/22/06 Posts: 150 *Expert Mommytalker* Rep points: 1183 Send PM	Title: The Working Mom Advise Column -- By Diane Lang Posted: 12 months ago Don't forget to post your questions here for next week's column by Diane Lang. http://www.blog.zooloo.com http://www.zooloo.com
Rachel Joined: 12/15/06 Posts: 2295 *Mommytalking Oracle* Rep points: 29603 Send PM	Title: The Working Mom Advise Column -- By Diane Lang Posted: 11 months ago I wanted to bring this thread back to the front to see if anyone had questions for Diane Lang. Her features have been so helpful to me.

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