SheCoach's Blog
Raising Tweens/Teens
Special Girl Time
Jan 21, 2010 5:43 pm
I am so glad that my 12 year old daughter still loves to spend time with me. I choose to not believe it will ever be any different. For some reason a lot of people try to fill my mind with the idea that there will come a time when she will hate me. Why do we set that foundation by even suggesting it? I choose to not believe such a thing. I am not naive. I know we will have our moments...we already do. But I choose to believe that our relationship is going to stand the test of time and it is because I will be intentional about it.
If you are intentional about something, you put forth something of action. Tomorrow night we are going to have special girl time. My husband works late, my boys will be overnight at their cousin's house. So we are going to watch Freaky Friday and eat fattening icecream sundaes.
I know it's not just me that enjoys it. I heard her talking on her phone with a friend, trying to make plans to get together tomorrow because the schools are off. Then I heard her say, "No, I am going to be with my mom, watching a movie and having sundaes." Hey, I'm still at a higher level than even her friends! I am going to take that and treasure that for all it is worth!
What Is It About 5th Grade?
Jan 12, 2010 12:54 pm
Really...what is it about 5th grade? Its like something happens to kids' brains and they suddenly discover the power behind hurting another.
A couple of weeks ago I picked up my younger two children, who are in 5th and 7th grade. They hopped into the van but I could tell immediately that something was wrong with my 5th grader. I asked what was wrong and he said nothing. I was in kind of a rush because I had to drop them off and then drive another 15 minutes away to pick up my oldest from high school. But my younger son wasn't talking even though I tried to probe.
We arrived at our house, they hopped out and I started to drive away so I could get my oldest. But I ended up parking the van instead. I couldn't let it go. My son was obviously upset about something and if it meant my older one had to wait longer, then so be it. I needed to know what was going on.
After some tugging to get it out of him (that's just how he is), he finally broke down crying. His "2nd" best friend at school and a couple of other boys had been making fun of him. It was just stupid stuff but obviously in his eyes it was more than that. I completely understood how he felt. He had been betrayed by friends and then had mean things said about him. I suddenly remembered an experience his older brother had had back when he was in 5th grade and so I shared it with him. I did my best to assure him of his value in God's eyes and when he was feeling better, dashed out the door to pick up my oldest son.
It suddenly dawned that it was in 5th grade when my daughter also started having problems with friends. Something must happen during that time when kids begin to sense a need to find their place. I remember very well how mean kids could be even back when I was a kid. 
Kids really can just be mean. I hope that while I tried to encourage him, I was also able to discourage him from ever doing that to someone else. In the end, he took my advice which was to forgive his friends. His friend did apologize and everything is good again. Thankfully he didn't take my husband's advice which would have only gotten him in trouble--it must be that "conqueror" side of a male that comes out.
At any rate, I don't know what it is about 5th grade but I guess I'm glad this is my last one going through it.
Tough Decisions
Jan 02, 2010 1:56 pm
My husband and I have some tough decisions to make. It's regarding our son in 5th grade. Currently he is attending a wonderful K-8 school. It's our neighborhood school and we really do love it. However, in September my son will be entering the 6th grade and we have to decide if we want to keep him at the school we already love or move him to a middle school. In less than a month I will have to apply for open enrollment, since the middle school is not in our district. My oldest is currently attending high school in another district and that is the one we would have to apply to for my youngest son.
But I am torn...do I apply and send him to middle school? My husband says the middle school offers more opportunities--extra-curricular activities and better classes. My son has expressed interest in possibly playing football. At his current school they don't have a football team. What do I say? I say he is doing just fine where he is already at, so why rock the boat? I also know my son's personality and he has the potential to fall in with the wrong crowd. In his current school I have more access to his teachers, having formed relationships with them because of my daughter who is currently in 7th grade. For her it was an easy decision. We kept her at our neighborhood school because she wanted to stay with her friends and wasn't really interested in middle school.
What does my son say? He is leaning more toward wanting to attend a middle school. Like I said, he expresses some interest in football and his best friend (that he grew up with in church) is going to that middle school.
I think a part of me just doesn't want to let go. Yet another part of me thinks I am being wise. If I know my son's potential and I know that I can keep a better eye on him at his current school, isn't it smart to keep him there?
So far my husband and I have had one discussion about it. We both voiced our thoughts but no decisions were made. I said we should both really think about it, pray about it and then come back together and discuss it again.
My baby is on the verge of becoming a middle schooler and we definitely have some tough decisions to make!
Who Is Justin Bieber and What Has He Done With My Little Girl?
Dec 14, 2009 2:47 pm
Just two weeks ago my daughter still thought boys were gross. Her favorites were female singers and actresses from the Disney channel or Nickelodeon. Her ultimate favorite singing group was Fly Leaf. But then something happened. Or should I say someone happened.
All of a sudden I am hearing this name: Justin Bieber. I dismissed it at first. Oh, just another singer. But then I kept hearing his name and I thought I saw a twinkle in my daughter's eyes. Hmmm...there was only one thing to do. Google him!
Now I was looking at this kind of cute kid who apparently had captured my daughter's attention. Okay, nothing to worry about, I thought. She just likes his music. I listened to one of his songs on You Tube and honestly, thought he sounded a little girlish. So I let it go.
Then one day as we were driving in the van I could hear my daughter's Ipod blasting and immediately recognized Justin Bieber's music. Ugh! That guy again! Now it is all I hear about. That and the fact that all of her friends also "like" him.
I guess I knew this was unavoidable. I immediately recalled my first "love," Shaun Cassidy. I not only had a poster of him but I also had this light blue shirt with his face ironed on it. I still remember what that shirt looked like! In fact, I probably have a picture around here somewhere.
Well, I guess I have to face the facts. Some boy was bound to capture her attention! I guess it could be worse. I still don't know what I will do if she asks to put his mug up on her wall.
So who is Justin Bieber? I'm quite sure just a passing phase!
Giving thanks for my wonderful children!
Nov 28, 2009 10:41 am
Thanksgiving has passed but the spirit of thankfulness is still resonating deep within me. I feel so very thankful for the wonderful children that God has blessed me with. They are so unique, so special and bring such joy to my life.
Does this mean that every moment with them is enjoyable? No. Does this mean that they do nothing wrong? No. Does this mean they never disappoint me? No. However, it does mean that despite the less-than-enjoyable moments, the wrong things they do or the disappointments they sometimes bring my way...I am still thankful and I choose to focus on the positive rather than the negative.
I know that I need to do this more often. It can be easy to get caught up in the negativity. This can happen in any situation but I know as a mom it can happen in that realm, as well. So as a mom, I am going to make a conscious decision to look at all my blessings, which includes my children, and allow a spirit of thankfulness to rise up each and every day.
Nov 14, 2009 4:01 pm
I love those little moments that happen, where you don't plan to spend time together but they happen anyway. Sometimes with planning comes expectations but when time together is unexpected, you let it just happen and don't have any expectations.
I had a little moment today with my 10 year old. He wanted me to run him to the library to get some books on drawing. I also had to stop at a drugstore to see if they had any over-the-counter medicine for pink eye. I woke up with it and wanted to avoid a weekend trip to the doctor. The pharmacist gave his opinion that over-the-counter medication doesn't work and highly suggested I see a doctor. So our "quick" trip to the library and drugstore extended to an urgent care visit. At first he didn't want to go with. He wanted to be dropped off at home but I reminded him of all the doctor visits I had accompanied him on--smile.
On the way we had a strange conversation--like I said, one of those unplanned things. It was not a conversation I would have ever thought to even have with him but for some reason it was on his mind. He asked me why anyone would want to commit suicide. He went on to say how "stupid" it was. I shared with him how sometimes people can feel so hopeless that they think it's the only answer, when it really isn't. This also opened the door to talk about our faith, how it helps us during those times in life when we do feel hopeless.
It ended up being a very nice, unplanned but productive moment--a little moment that one never knows how much weight it really holds. I am so thankful for those little moments and I guess at the time, I can be thankful for having pinkeye.
Nov 09, 2009 3:50 pm
Could it be the same boy whose diaper I once changed that flew in a plane yesterday? This was actually his fourth time up in the sky...but not just as a passenger, he is actually taking control! My 15 year old son, Daniel, is part of Civil Air Patrol. Amongst many other opportunities available in this organization, he gets five free flights where once they are up in the air, he is allowed to take control of the plane.
I remember the first time I left him with a sitter...it was actually my sister and he was maybe 2 weeks old. I can remember feeling so nervous walking out of the house, entrusting him to someone else. Yesterday I felt nervous, as his plane took off. Once again, entrusting him to someone else but this time his life truly was in the hands of another. I had no choice but to trust this pilot.
As that little Cessna took off and flew, I realized it was symbolic of my teen's life. He is getting ready to take off and fly in life. I have been preparing him for the past 15 1/2 years. Could it be that so quickly I have gone from diapers to flying? Every moment as a mom MUST be treasured!
