"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

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"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

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"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

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First of all, I applaud you for having the courage to talk about this.  It is an extremely difficult thing, and it is really hard for people to truly understand if they have never dealt with it.  I am in counseling right now, trying to work through the effects of being sexually abused at a very young age.  I know it's common for people to discredit repressed memories, or to say that something that happened many years ago shouldn't still be an issue.  You should simply "get over it".  But the truth is, this kind of violation affects every part of us in ways that leave lasting scars.  Because my abuse occured at an age when I didn't have the cognitive abilities or vocabulary to make sense of it and process it, I really don't remember the actual abuse.  I do remember parts of one event that happened when I was a little bit older.  The main thing that made me aware of the past abuse is the lasting effects.  Like you said, there are times when Randy and I are together and what he does or the way he does something just bring back a flood of helpless feelings and physical sensations.  I have heard someone talk about "body memories" where we have stored up memories of the abuse in our bodies, and we have a very physical reaction to situations.  It is really hard for me to talk about this with Randy, despite a wonderful relationship, because it is a VERY difficult subject.  It makes me feel weak and vulnerable, and all kinds of negative things.  But I also know that it is REALLY important to try to help them understand what we're going through.  I know that I need his help in the healing process, and he can't help if I won't let him in.

This is the reason that I started the Survivors group on here.  I am hoping that it can become a place for us to share our stories and find help and healing.  So, just know that I am here to talk anytime.  Take care and God bless you!

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

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"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

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This is really sad!  I cannot imagine what her family must be going through...first finding out that your sweet little girl is a porn star, and then to have her disappear, quite possibly having been murdered.

For our family, I think the number one thing is praying for our children continually.  We will also be keeping tv and computers in family areas and out of bedrooms.  And like others have said, keeping kids busy with productive activities and knowing where they are, with whom, for how long, etc and knowing the friends and their families.  My parents were very actively involved in our lives and they were honest with us if they believed that someone we hung out with was not the best influence.  I think one of the most important things is communicating to your kids the reasons behind the rules and what you believe.  Simply telling them what to do or not to do is not enough.  If you explain why and the possible consequences and stay actively involved, it shows your child that you love and respect them.  This tends to produce less problems, and encourages your child to come to you if there is a problem.  No, it's not an easy job, but it is absolutely necessary!

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

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"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

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We love going out and looking at all of the lights and decorations that people have outside!  We usually do some simple lights outside, and that's about it for outside.  Then we do our tree and some simple decorations inside.  I agree that things can get a bit tacky, but the kids do love that.  I remember in college there was one house that had a tiny little yard and every square inch was covered with light-up plastic decorations.  I think they had about 5 santas and a couple nativity scenes, tons of reindeer and snowmen....its was pretty tacky.

But mostly, the important part is doing it as a family and sharing the special memories.

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

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Sounds good!  Do you s...

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

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Thank you for sharing your ...

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

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"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

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That is so cool!!!  There is just nothing better than seeing the awe and pure joy on the faces of your kids. 

Last Friday, when we were visiting my parents near Minneapolis, instead of doing the insane Black Friday shopping thing, we headed into downtown.  Every year, the Macy's downtown Minneapolis transforms their 8th floor into a walk-through storybook.  I still remember the first time my parents took us.  It was Hansel and Gretel.  This year was the Nutcracker, and both of the kids were completely in awe.  They were mesmerized!  At the end of the storybook maze, you have the opportunity to have pictures taken with Santa.  I have to say, I was a little surprised with how insanely crowded it wasn't.  We had to wait about 15 minutes to get to the entrance of the story, and about another 15 minutes for Santa.  This is extremely quick for the kinds of lines you usually get.  The kids did absolutely amazing!!!  There wasn't a singly whine or complaint.  And both of them excitedly jumped up onto Santa's lap, smiled for the picture and told Santa what they really, really want for Christmas.  It was a really special day, and I'm glad we were able to share it with my family.

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

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I agree.  It has much more to do with the parents' personality and parenting style than the number of kids.  When we are with my side of the family, there are only four kids (Emma and Timothy, and a niece Emma's age and a nephew Timothy's age).  It's pretty easy to keep track of everyone.  At my parents' house, the kids know that there is no playing in the bedrooms, so they are either playing upstairs in the living room, downstairs in the family room, or outside.  We just make sure that there are adults hanging around in the same area in case of problems.

With Randy's family, there are quite a few cousins, generally in the same age groups as Emma and Timothy.  We will usually let the older kids play in a separate room, and check in frequently.  The younger kids tend to be in the same room as the parents. 

I do think it's important for kids to be able to enjoy playing with other kids and practice solving problems like sharing toys.  If things start to escalate, I think it's good to step in and help them find a solution.  But they also need room to practice their social skills and have fun.  So, I would say that we try not to be too overprotective- at their ages they are able to do some playing on their own without us being right next to them.  But we do make sure that they are nearby and we know what they are doing and help with problems that come up.  We don't let them just run around peoples' houses.  They know that the rules we have at our house apply at others' houses too.  It's just a matter of parents finding the balance that works for them and their kids.

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

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"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

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Well, Emma still loves school, and doesn't put up a fight about going to school.  She is just so stinking slow getting ready!!!  I do know that I was also like that, so I understand what it's like, but I also understand my mom's frustration! 

She is getting 11 hours of sleep, so that shouldn't be an issue.  I am just thinking that she is like me, and is just slow to get started in the morning.  We also make sure that her clothes are ready the night before, and try to look at the lunch schedule to see if she is eating school lunch or bringing her lunch.  We try to have her backpack all ready to go.  I am just thinking....her alarm clock has dual alarms on it.  I am thinking maybe I could set one five minutes earlier and tell her that after the first one goes off, she can relax for a couple minutes until the next one goes off and then come up and start getting ready.  Also, I think that maybe giving her a glass of juice right away might help her get going. 

I appreciate all of the good ideas people have provided, and I think I might be part of the problem, in that Mommy has a hard time jumping up and getting going too.  Then if we are both groggy and slow, that's a bad combination.

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

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