The Middle Wife by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

      Ive been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, theyre welcome!

    Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.... She holds up a snapshot of an infant. This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Moms stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.She''s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. She walked around the house for, like an hour, "Oh, oh, oh!;"(Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn t have a sign on the car like the Dominos man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this. (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew! (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!) Then the middle wife starts saying push, push, and breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Moms play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I;m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Middle Wife comes along.

That is so funny! I'm going to print it out right now and bring it to my friend whose having her baby tonight. She needs a good laugh.

I just LOVE the way kids perceive and process things!  When Emma was about 3, the kids and I were in the car, and Emma decided to share her version of how she and Timothy were born.  Apparently, Emma had a much easier time.  She just popped out of my tummy, and the dr set her on the floor to wait for Timothy (that would have been a long time to be waiting on the floor, but who's counting?)  Then came Timothy.  He apparently had a much more difficult time.  He had to climb and climb and climb all the way up my throat until the dr could reach his hands to pull him out.  It was such a struggle to maintain a straight face, and I am SO VERY thankful that's not the way babies are born!

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

 

glitter-graphics.com ...