My introverted daughter has been going to a babysitter one day a week. This summer, there has been a five-year-old girl there also who is loud, bossy, and obnoxious. Now, despite the limited exposure, my toddler is acting just like her. She's gone from being sweet and sharing to being a total aggressive brat around other kids. I am doing the whole time-out, spanking, consequences routine, but as a mom, it's just embarassing when your kid is the one hitting and snatching toys. To make matters worse, a relative's child is constantly crying and tattling on mine. If I didn't see what happened, I am reluctant to punish my child, especially when the other child does sometimes invent that she's being mistreated even when she's not. But on the other hand, it's awkward to not to at least scold my child when the other child is crying and insisting that mine pushed or hit her.  Thankfully, the older girl is starting school and won't be at the sitter's anymore, but I am afraid that my child's bad habits are here to stay. Is anyone else the mother of a bully? How do you handle it?

I feel your pain...................................

 

My lil girl has been in limited daycare since six months old.  She goes to and In-Home daycare and the babysitters has 4 kids 13, 9, 3, 8 months.  She watches few other kids however, her 3 yr old and another 3 yr old are just stinking sassy whiney brats.  Stealing toys pushing hitting biting that kind of stuff..  I didn't start noticing a change in my daughters behavior until she was about 14 - 16 months old...  When she could actually start playing with these girls and what not.  NOW I have a little girl that will stop at nothing to get a toy that she wants from whomever has it (including mommy and daddy).  When I would pick Adriane up from Daycare she would tell me how naughty Adriane was and how many times she went to the corner for taking toys and hitting and biting and so on..........  I did bring it to her attention that I don't think that she is paying that close attention to the girls when they are playing because the bigger girls put up more of a fuss when someone is trying to take something from them than the little ones......  She dissagreed and Adriane NO Longer attends her daycare....... 

 

Adriane still is having some issues with her attitude and sassyness, however they are not near as bad as 3 weeks ago.. 

 

Anyways at our house we have the 3 strikes your out for disipline.

1st time I will tell you to stop and that it is naughty

2nd time you will go to time out

3rd time you get a spanking. 

 (Please don't think I abuse my child because I don't......  I calmly walk her to the bathroom and bend her over my knee and give her a swat on the butt.  She crys for about 30 seconds and I remind her why she got spanked and that she needs to be a good girl and listen to mommy. She says okay we give hugs and kisses and say " I love you" and We generally don't have any problems for about a week or more....

 

Anyways thats our system in our house. 

 Oh yeah another thing.  She has never liked children younger than her.  My neice is 6months younger than she is and She has always had it out for her...  I don't know why but she just doesn't care to be around younger children.

I went through that with my son who is now 4. He is the sweetest kid you will ever meet. He is very smart, picks up on everything very fast. including bad behavior. I had to limit his interaction with my nephew who is a bully. He would go to school treating the kids the way my nephew treated him.

One thing that has worked for me is to take him out of the situation. Unfortunately for me most of the bad stuff happened at school so i couldnt react right away. We work on a rewards system. If he was good at school he gets a sticker or a treat. If he is not nice he doesnt get anything. It takes a little while but it works now!

I am also very honest with him. I tell him that if he is mean he will not have any friends. No one wants to be friends with someone that is mean. He is very social and loves to have alot of friends. I know it sounds awful but if you are honest with them they get it. He still acts out from time to time. I think that if you and your family are not bullies then she will forget after a while once she is not around that other child. Unfortunately we can not keep them from the world. I would love to lock my son up to keep him innocecnt. 

I have been dealing with this with devon, we moved into our new house and once he met the neighborhood kids his attitude changed.the kids are all older than him, and he thinks he should do what they do, he gets sent to his room ALOT,and I also will swat his butt.when he throws his fits and is screaming at me,he gets a lil hot sauce in his mouth.I found hot sauce is a very good cure for that. now he see's im getting the sauce and he stops screaming

A WHOLE LOTTA GREAT  IDEAS HERE ... Its a natural   stage , but as you handle effectively , promptly will soon ease down  Nobody wants to be bully.. Parroting the bully behaviour w child  and asking how it feels is another way to stop.. listen ..think  ..hmmm excercize , If you serve Jesus  how that behaviour makes Jesus Sad GREAT help   check behaviours here , that helped loads when my kids lil .... Most kids desire to be loved and praised  and love  to love on other kids too ,Despite   learnin to share .. its How we teach  thats gonna be life effective..Sharing and dealing according to age comprehension

I think a lot of it is a normal stage to go through for kids (in the 2-4 year old range).  Sharing toys is HARD!  They really do not understand that when someone else is playing with a toy, they can play with it later.

My youngest is 25 months old.  He often gets angry or frustrated when he wants something.  He will pull his fist back and announce, "Hit!" like fair warning, here it comes LOL

I refuse to spank him for something I view as a normal part of his emotional development.  When he's exhibiting behaviors I do not want like hitting or, lately, biting, I focus on telling him what I DO want him to be doing.

I don't know if any of you have read this before or not, but the subconscious mind is incapable of processing a negative directive.  This means that when you tell a child, "No hitting!" all their brain can process is "hitting!"  When they do something like messing with your favorite and highly breakable lamp and you tell them, "No touching the lamp!" they only hear "touching the lamp" and will continue to do so.  When you then smack their hand or put them in a corner for "time out", they have NO idea why they're being hit or punished.  Instead of focusing on what you do NOT want to have happen, try telling them what TO do.

When my son kicked our cat today (for no reason other than probably curiosity), I immediately said, "Logan, the poor kitty!  How sad that you kicked her.  We should LOVE the kitty and be sweet with the kitty.  Could you please tell her you're sorry and give her lovins?" He did it.  He said, "Sorry" to the cat then laid on the floor beside her, giving her hugs and kisses.  Yes, we will probably have to repeat this 200 more times in the future, but that is because their brains do not retain every detail from day to day.  You know how a kid gets obsessed with watching a movie 20 times a day?  Do you know why?  It's because they literally cannot remember an entire 90 minute long movie in one sitting the way we can.  They only retain 5-15 minutes of the entire movie each time - that's why they will watch it almost endlessly for 3-4 weeks before moving on to the next "obsession."

Imagine you start a new job.  You are put in a room with a desk, a phone, a computer and a stack of papers.  You are then told, "Do your work" but are not given any more specific instructions.  Imagine now that you can only communicate by using grunts or crying.  So you're lost and confused, having no idea what you're supposed to do.  You may try to pick up the phone but as soon as you do, your boss comes running into the room yelling at you, "That's naughty!  Do NOT use the phone!  Now do your work."  Okay, so maybe you shuffle through the papers and turn on the computer, just hoping you'll get it right.  As soon as you have turned on the computer, you start clicking to find the right program and again your boss comes into the room, sees what you're doing and yells at you, "You're doing the wrong thing!  You're going to be written up if you keep doing this!"  By  now, you'd probably be in tears.  After all, what ARE you supposed to be doing?!  Unfortunately, all you can do is keep trying to do the RIGHT thing but no matter what you do, it seems like it's wrong and you're in trouble.

Our toddlers and little ones are new to this world.  Their young brains are NOT at an adult level.  They need a LOT of guidance and instruction - repeatedly (remember the level of retention abilities!).

Now imagine that you start the same job and are put in a room with a desk, a phone, a computer, a stack of papers AND a person who can sit with you and instruct you on what to do and how to do it.  When you make a mistake, he or she gently says, "Oops, you need to do X instead of Y.  Go ahead and try again."  And when you get it right, he or she says, "You are starting to get the hang of things!  Good job!"

Put yourself in your little one's shoes and imagine that they are doing the best they can given the situation.  If other children are bullying and yours is picking it up, perhaps helping them identify the situation with words and understanding will help.  For example, "I know Johnny hits and pushes at daycare and that  makes the other children feel sad and angry.  When you push, your friends also feel sad and angry.  If you share your toys, everyone can play and enjoy them." 

Just my 2 cents.

 

What works for us lately is "putting yourself in the other ones shoes" so to speak.

Example- N loves to chime in while DH and I are talking- so when he trys talking one of us will chime in like he did.  He gets mad and says "MOM I AM TALKING TO DAD!"  Yep that is how mommy feels when you intrrupt mom and dad

When it comes to hitting, I always say " What if Johnny hit you, would you like it?"  Having the person and the feeling real I feel is so important- seeing and showing how their actions hurt a friend or someone they love sometimes is the only way! 

Hopefully, this 'phase' will pass thorough! There are some cartoon/child movies that would be a good example for your daughter. I can't think of any at the top of my head, but nearly all cartoon movies have a bully gone good type of scenario. Usually that gets to a child's heart. But nevertheless, this phase should be non existent in no time!