My daughter found out Sunday about noon that a good friend of her's from school suddenly passed away Saturday morning. It was a shock to her and myself and I think its just setting in for my daughter that her friend is not gonna be there anymore. She didnt want to go to school today cause she said that she wont be able to focus and I told her that it would be best if she was with her own friends. She said that her friends didnt know her. I told her just because they didnt know her it affects the whole school. I told her that when I was in 7th or 8th grade there was a girl and her friend who were struck by a car while crossing the street after school. The one girl was killed and the other broke her leg. I didnt know the girl who died but it still bugged me. I was sad. I kept the article about the accident which included a photo of the girl. I still have it today. Its been 20 years at least. 

I have lost alot of people over my lifetime including my own brother. I was 15 when he was killed.  My kids were little when thier own grandfather suddenly died and it was hard on them then. But now they are older things have changed for them.

How did this girl die? We are not sure exactly. Its been reported she had a seizure and was unable to be revived after that. And with me being in the medical field it sounds abit strange. Usually people dont die from seizures unless it was chemically induced like doing drugs. My daughter heard that this girl went to a party the night before and thinks someone might have spiked her drink or she might have taken something. But we dont know. Its just a rumor. Wont know until toxicology reports come back. Its just difficult. Hard enough to get close really to your teen and trying to help them thru something like this is a challenge.

I had a neighbor a bit older.  She had a seizure that took hours to stop- they tought they were going to lose her turns out she has brain cancer.

I think it was good you sent her to school because the school might have special help for those who need it.  It has to be hard for her, and you having the experience might help her.

What you told her was good.

When I was in high-school, a friend of mine and her boyfriend were in a bad road-rage induced accident that took the life of the boy (he didn't go to our school, and no one really knew him from my school).  It was very traumatic for her, especially since she lived through the accident and he didn't.  However, the entire school reached out to her.  She has told me many times that the support of her friends is what got her through that time.

Remember though, everyone grieves differently.  If your daughter needs some alone time, it may be just what she needs to cope with the situation.  I know we have all heard it, but the five stages of grief are:
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance.  Your daughter will go through them all (some maybe longer than others, and some you may not even notice).  Just be there for her, and let her cry on your shoulder.  Don't try to "solve the problem", just listen and respond when needed.  She will be fine in time.

Thanks. Tomarrow is the funeral and my daughter wants to go. She asked me to take her and I said definantly. She seems to have her good days and bad. Which is to be expected.

 

When I was in high school two of my teachers died of cancer, I was in 11th grade.  It was hard, I didn't really know what to do, it didn't seem real.  I think going to the funeral will help her say goodbye and deal with the reality of it all.  All you can do is stand by her and listen.  You are doing a great job of being there for her.

Well this morning she has decided not to go. Im not gonna force her to go or not. Its her decision. She wont tell me exactly why but she mentioned that if she went a couple girls would jump her and beat her up. How stupid. Im so tired of these kinds of girls that assault others for no reason at all.  I told her that I was going to be there and that they wont do it. If they do I will have them arrested for assault. Makes me mad that they do this.  But Im not gonna make her go.

KMiranda gave great advice when she said everyone grieves differently. I have observed this many times. Some people like to talk about the loved one, tell stories about him/her, and this is cathartic. You'll often see these people laughing and smiling at funerals, something I can't do.  Others are very private about loss and want to be left alone to deal with it in a personal way. I have just experienced the loss of two close friends. I'm the private type. I grieve silently and alone and resent people trying to get me to talk about it. At funerals I go through a box of tissue, go home, and then go through another box.

Here we go again.

My kids poor school has lost another 9th grader. I dont know much of the details on this one cause my daughter didnt know him. But from what we understand is that he was shot in the head. Dont know if he did it or if someone else did. This has been an awful month for the school.

 

I know it's been awhile since your post but i thought u may still want some advice. Okay, my father died suddenly when i was 14. he died of a heart attack brought on by a cociane/herion overdose. nobody really explain anything to me or helped me cope. My suggestion is to explain death gently to ur daughter. if you are religious than incoraprate that. but don't deny what happened or say things like everybody dies at some point. i know that that terrified me that maybe i would die the next day. try to answer any questions she has.

I talked with her and explained that things happen and we cannot prevent them. I told her that if she ever wants to talk about it please do cause I may not be able to fix it or make her pain go away but I can listen and try to comfort her. She said Ok.

See I dont want her or my son to grow up depressed. I want them to know Im here to just listen. I lost my brother when I was 15 and I had nobody. Ya my parents were there for me if I wanted them but they were hurting and I didnt want to pile my saddness onto them also. So I dealt with it on my own. Wasnt a smart thing to do but I didnt want to bother them. I tried to commit suicide when I was 17 but I didnt complete it. Never again wanted to do that.

I guess there was a boy that my daughter knew who was shot in the head a few months after this girl suddenly died. Dont know the reasons why either died. Some are thinking the girl had a brain anurisym that ruptured. And the boy we think was murdered.

Thank you for the thoughts on what to do. Having different opinions help.