I am concerned for my dh. He is 34 years old and weights about 300 bls he is 6'1 tall. My concern is that he can die from his weight and all the other health issues that come with the weight. Diabetis runs in his family. His mom died of that amongs other things. I told him once along time ago that he was big. Ever since that time I have not said anything else because I don't want to hurt his feelings.

I am used too him being big I love him no matter how he looks. He doesn't seem to be that big and maybe its because he is tall. I am scared that he might get a heart atack one day. One of his friends died of the same thing awhile back. He never says anything about not likeing the way he looks. He says he is happy. I am wondering if I should tell him that how he looks is not good. How can I come across this without hurting his feelings? My mom tells me that I need to hurt his feelings so that he can understand the problem. Can I please get some advices on how to help him. I try to cookd healthy but its not enougf. He never looked the way he does now. If there is any guys out there that are reading this can you help please.

Ana... deffinatley hurting feelings is not the way to go.... that tends to complicate things...

your going to a gym now arent you... Invite DH to go with you.... tell him that you both can get healthy together...

if he's not down for the gym start cooking healthier meals for the fam... and an evening stroll at a brisk pace with kids in toe and make hubby push the stroller... hehe for added work on his park.

I would be honest with him and tell him you are fearful that his weight may have a negitive impact on his health and the health of the kids in the long run he is a role model for them.. wouldn't he want to stay healthy for them and you...

good luck! keep us posted

I know what you're going through my hubby also heavy. He is 289lbs and 6 foot. I tell him like it is that he is over weight and is going to die if he doesn't get healthy. And his reply is always the same " you are too and need to lose weight". I don't know what to do. The difference between us is he is like 100lbs over weight and i'm only 20lbs overweight but it's him being defensive. I can't help much cuz I haven't found anything that works but good luck.

Try watching the Biggest Loser with him....that show can change anyones life.... then start doing things to better yourself and maybe he will follow suit.  But telling him he looks bad or that is weight is out of control is not going to help.  No matter how you tell him it is going to cause hurt feelings and maybe even resentment.  Men have feeling and issues just like women, and no matter how much you might be right, how would you like it if things were in reverse.  THe difference between men and women is they can hide their feeling better then we can, but they still feel things just the same.

My husband doesn't have a weight problem-he has a family histoy of heart attacks,not the arm pain feeling faint kind -the drop dead without warning kind.  It is scary and he eats so unhealty.  I did approach his DR. about this because I know he wouldn't say anything.  I asked for a history form to fill out and did it for him.  I also like R make healtier meals for the family, but he is always putting extra salt on  I just have to keep on.  Cuz the real ? for them is how much do you want in the future-walk your DD down the aisle see your ds graduate.

I know your struggle all too well girl! I wish you the best. From my exprience, guys don't want to be told the negative things about them, i would try and tell him how you feel and that you are worried, If he sees that its really important to you. Maybe he'll try. Do what you can to keep good foods in the house, and get the whole family active, but in a fun way, so it doesnt feel like working out. Also, telling him that you love him at any size and shape is good, but explaining that you want him healthy first and formost is even better. He sounds like hes just a big guy either way. (6ft tall and all) So, just do your best, I know you will and keep feeding him postive remarks once he does start trying, like, "ohhh baby, your looking good" lol Guys love that. GOOD LUCK!

I have been thinking about this alot and trying to find the right words.

Now coming from the medical field as an EMT I see first hand that weight and good health dont go together.  Not only do you have to worry about a heart attack but there is stroke and difficulty in breathing. Being overweight causes alot of different health problems. Not to mention the self-esteem problems it causes. Men hate to say that they have problems wether it be health related or other. They are stubborn and with that stubborness it can lead to death. What bothers me in my field is people call for chest pain or difficulty breathing and the family says that the ill person didnt want them to call.

I think you need to speak up kindly saying that you are concerened with his health. You want him to be around for the future. He needs to think about his kids too. This doesnt just affect only him. It affects everyone in your family.

I just wanted to say that I might be 20bls over weight. I do go to the gym alomst everyday and have one day off. I have tried to adk him if he is willing to join. He said he would but makes up excuses on how he won't have time and that he doesn't want to see coworkers there. I am thankful for all the advices I am gettin here. I will try to sit down and talk to him. At first when I met him he was not as big as he is now. It was hard for me to make love to him. Now I guess I am just used too it but would love too make things better. I try to make healthy  meals by not frying and more vegetables.

Last night I talked to him about the weight issue. I told him first of all that I love him and that I did not know how to put this but I had too let it out. I told him that I am scared for him. I told him that he knows and I know that him and I are over weight and that is a problem for the health. I told him that I wanted him and I too see the kids grow. He then asked me where all this is coming from. I told him that I was thinking about it for awhile. I sudjested we took more walks as a family and bike rides with the kids. He then said that he has been wanting too loose weight but does not want to go to the gym. So we are going to buy a tredmill and weight sets. Take more walks and bike rides. I am feeling more at eas now that I let it out.

That is so wonderful!!! I am so glad you were able to get this out on the table and that he is actually concerned about his health.  I can undertand about not wanting to go to the gym. Im really self-concious of myself and honestly I have a hard time being around people. I dont like crowds and I freak out.

Talk brisk walks... Start out easy.. go for maybe down the block or around the block. Dont overdo it or he wont want to go back to it. Eat healthier foods and drink lots and lots of water!

GOOD LUCK!!!! Keep us informed on how you both do!

I'm so glad your discussion went well. You did the right thing by emphasizing his health rather than his appearance. The fact that he responded positively is great. I am guessing that the two of you working as a team to lose weight will bring you two even closer together. Have fun!

I just learned tonight of the death of the son of an acquaintance of mine. Her son was obese, 34, and he died in his sleep of a heart attack. Very sad and a real wakeup call.

O no, I am so sorry to hear that. I am scared for his health. Today we were arguing about something stupid and he told me that he was going to keep on eating the way he is now. I tried and I just pray that he live for a long time. I told him that I did not want my children to follow his steps. hopefully when the kids get older they can talk to him and maybe convince him. I will try to take walks but I can't force him.