I was online with Tina yesterday and I just wanted to throw this topic out to the masses.

I find it very difficult to shift my focus off of reactive to proactive. To get in front of certain behaviors and give heartfelt appreication for said behavior I find very hard to do. I have 4 kids so most of the time I feel like I am putting out fires, so to speak. It is not easy, comfortable to say to my kids; " I feel..........when you...........because....." Like Tina has suggested. It's just not my first reaction as to how to do things and I surely was not raised like this.

I'm wondering if anyone else has tried Tina's approach to parenting and have any of the same experiences?

Though I haven't tried Tinas exact method... MY is close with a lil more disiplian thrown in.

I learned while teaching pre k that children are ppl pleasers... with parents and other important adults in their lives, always wanting praise for the good things "looky what I did" I had a saint of a mentor/co worker my first yr and she taught me so much I use her teachings in my rearing of my own children. much like tinas approch...

Bradley It makes my heart happy to see you being Kind to your lil sister"

Bradley it makes mamas heart sad to see you hurt you lil sister. that wasn't enough at first... Bradley my control freak lil man likes thngs his way but when he realized that i wasn't happy with him he made his improvemnts as nessisary

Getting the child to understand emotions is important too...

If your dealing with lil ones its usually easy as pie by the time they are 3 should be able to convay feelings like happy, sad,angery, good books to read to help out with that... my many colored days by suess, and the way I feel by janan cain both great!

I haven't yet delt with the teen yrs so god help me... Teens tend to be selfish and all about  me types But I have already been telling my kids thats its not always about you... there are other ppl in this family... so hopefully that will cut them off at the pass.

good luck to you in what ever you decide!

The one imporatant thing I learned from a speech thearpist, was to speak to the age... A 1 year old might have a hard time understand "It makes me sad when..." Sometimes using less words"mama sad, megan hit," almost like caveman speak, gets your point clearer to them. As they mature add more words. 

I find it hard to have a nurtured heart approach too.  I babysit and could have 4 kids yelling at me at once. the ST suggested start doing one time a day make it a point to do it as the days go on you will do it more and more and it will become normal.

Take heart if you need more support feel free to post again that is what us mommytalkers are here for! 

I used the "It makes me sad when...."approach, but I called it guilt It worked, though. My kids never wanted to see me sad.