A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little ones chests, would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listen to their own hearts. Their eyes would always light up with awe, but she never got a response equal to four-year old David's comment.

Gently she tucked the stethoscope into his ears and placed the disk over his heart. 'Listen', she said...........'What do you suppose that is?' He drew his eyebrows together in a puzzled line and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange tap - tap - tapping deep in his chest. Then his face broke out in a wondrous grin and he asked, 'Is that Jesus knocking?'

BEST JOKE OF THE YEAR


A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States .

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank
you, Mr. American, for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food
stamps, free medical care, and free education!"

The  passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. " Thank you for having such
a beautiful country here in America !"

The person says,  "I not American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and  the next person he sees  he stops,
shakes his hand and says,  "Thank  you for the wonderful America !"

That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East ; I am not
American!"

He finally sees a  nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"

She says , "No, I am from Africa !"

Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The  African lady checks her watch and says..."Probably at work!!!!!!!

Those were all funny!!! Thanks.

This is kinda different this guy thought of a entaining way of impersonatig the singers.

     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAFI1i5FIBc ...

Very funny, I especially enjoyed the 4 year old boy's enquiry - out of the mouth of babes. Also, the Somalian one was very appropriate and true, that's where you find us.

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

 "You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with DSL, bsp; light-speed processing ....and," pausing to take another drink of beer.

The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young.....so we invented them.

 Now, you arrogant little $#%*!! ..., what are you doing for the next generation?" The applause was resounding...

Here is a new one, I just got in my email . . . . .

Donald's wife, Liz, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally, he got around to doing it while Liz was out. He left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the commode. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the commode seat. About that time, Donald got home and realized her predicament. They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, Donald undid the commode seat bolts. Liz wrapped a sheet around herself and Donald drove her to the Hospital Emergency Room. The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her. Liz tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before". The Doctor replied "Actually, I've seen a lot of them. I just never saw one FRAMED before."

Airplane Carry-ON 

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans, with a box of crabs. A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did. 

The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant and rave about what would happen if she let the crabs thaw out. 

Shortly before landing in New York, she announced to the entire cabi n, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?" 

Not one hand went up.so she took them home and ate them herself. 

Men never learn.

Things I've learned from children

  If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.

   It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20-foot room.

  When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh," its already too late.

   Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

   A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

   If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak--it explodes.

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4inches deep.

    Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.

  Super glue is forever.

   McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.

   No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. Pool filters do not like Jello.

   VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

   Always look in the oven before you turn it on.The fire department in San Jose has at least a 5-minute response time.

     The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

    It will, however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy

                                        The  Bathroom Closet

       A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter.

After much thought, she finally came up with the old fashioned term "Bathroom closet" but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.

"Does the camping ground have it's own B.C." is what she wrote.

Well, the camping ground owner wasn't a bit old fashioned, and he just couldn't figure out what the old lady was talking about, so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C. stood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply.

Dear Madam,

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.

I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.

I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.

As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather. If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks. Remember this is a very friendly comunity..

All I can say is.......Oh my!

Here is something I just got in an email that made me laugh

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." -Psalm 57:9-11. 

 

glitter-graphics.com ...

     this one to funny  but struck mommy cord lol  enjoy

                           Little Monika

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her no. The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."

Soon they came to the candy aisle, and the little girl began to shout for candy. And when told she couldn't have any, began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Monica, don't cry--only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."

When they got to the check-out stand, the little girls immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother patiently said, "Monica, we'll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica," he began.

Whereupon the mother said, "I'm Monica -- my little girl's name is Tammy."

                              The Knob !!!

A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.  Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'

The doctor looked at her clo sely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'

She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in  asking about the goatee.

   I about peed my drawers   w this one  the Images n my head LOL STILL   ENJOY  this Great Laugh  !!!