June, 29 2009

Say No To Gossip

by Mia Redrick

A few months ago, I participated in the CCBC Women's Expo in Catonsville Maryland. I had the great privilege to speak on both Saturday and Sunday morning about the importance of making time for our own Extreme Self-care. Each day, I had the opportunity to meet hundreds of women who either dropped by to buy my book, Time for mom-Me: 5 Essential Strategies for A Mother's Self-Care or wanted to learn how they could start a local Time for mom-Me. I love having the opportunity to connect with women and listen to the most pressing issues that we face because of the general issues of life.

One woman, Lisa, said she felt her biggest life obstacle was her workplace. She described working in an environment where gossiping was pervasive and an insidious way of operating daily. She talked about her desire to start a business consulting but was afraid of what others might say about her branching out on her own. What was apparent to me was that this office gossip had begun to control her. Everything she wanted to do for herself, independent of her work experience, was influenced by her perception of her workplace. When she started working for this company all appeared well. However, as she began to grow, investing in herself by taking graduate courses, eventually earning her Masters and developing a strong, solid, reliable reputation with clients, colleagues that had not continue to grow decided to be condemning. As a result, gossiping about her personal life, dress and why she was successful became the conversation in the workplace. So what is this really about?

I told Lisa that this experience was less about what is being said about her and more about what she wanted for herself. Self-care is more than looking in the mirror and combing your hair just right, giving your self a facial or finding time to exercise daily. Self-care is understanding that we all have the great desire and need to be appreciated, respected and connected to individuals that bring out our best. I challenged Lisa to ask herself the following questions:

What are you holding onto in this workplace?

What are you afraid of?

What was apparent to me, as I listened to Lisa, was that she had outgrown her environment. Equally, she had outgrown many of her colleagues as well and she needed to consider what a good next step might be for her.

She sent me a letter the other day and I asked her if I could share this powerful conclusion with you.

Dear Mia,

Wow! I have done some soul searching this week. When I returned to work on Monday, I asked two of the four colleagues what did I do to make them say such mean things about me. The first responded, "Since you started school you never had time for me anymore." The second responded, "It seems like you just changed once you got your degree. Like you didn't think our jokes were funny anymore." The other said, "You act like you are too good to gossip with us." This hit me like a ton of bricks because I did not realize that I gossiped with them until that very moment. Each of them felt betrayed in someway because I chose to spend my time differently. You were right, I have outgrown this environment.

Lisa

I define personal growth not as a destination but becoming more of who you are. Who are you now? What shifts do you need to make in your workplace, relationships, or in your life in general to match your life today? Think about it?

About the Author: Mia Redrick is a popular speaker and personal coach who empowers mothers who are trying to incorporate balance and self-care into their lives. She is the founder and CEO of Finding Definitions LLC, an authority web community that teaches mothers five essential strategies for their own personal growth.

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